


the same story

by purplehaze



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Comfort/Angst, M/M, Trans Male Character, transphobia in theory i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-26
Updated: 2017-11-26
Packaged: 2019-02-06 23:23:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12828330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purplehaze/pseuds/purplehaze
Summary: it’s not that willy isn’t supportive, he is. so much, that kasperi couldn’t have asked for a better boyfriend. but sometimes, he just doesn’t get it.





	the same story

**Author's Note:**

> this is totes self indulgent :~)

it’s not that willy isn’t supportive, he _is_. so much, that kasperi couldn’t have asked for a better boyfriend. but sometimes, he just doesn’t get it. not for lack of trying, but maybe lack of lived experience.

he feels like shit, frankly, and willy is tentatively avoiding him, to give him space which kappy wants and needs but he also wants and needs his boyfriend to cuddle him until he falls asleep. it was going to happen, but it doesn’t suck any less and ‘don’t be too hopeful’ is shit advice because this was his dream since childhood and _fuck_ if it doesn’t suck to see other people living it.

there’s a knock on the bedroom and kappy rolls his eyes. he knows he can be a little much sometimes, but willy shouldn’t have to feel like he needs to be knocking on doors in his own condo.

“hey,” willy says. “i brought you some water.”

kappy can’t see willy from where he’s standing, his back facing the door, but he hears willy walking around the room and putting the glass on the bedside drawer. willy crawls into bed, his day clothes still on, and adjusts the covers so the two of them are snuggled in. willy pulls at kappy’s hand, hidden between his thighs until they’re awkwardly holding hands.

even sideways, willy’s hair looks mussed, like he’d been running his hand through it several times and kappy manages to feel a little guilty about how much his boyfriend worries about him no matter how much the internet says ‘your cis partner should not make you feel guilty for being trans’ or some shit like that.

“what’s on your mind?” willy asks.

“i got sent down,” kappy says, deadpan.

“i know,” willy says, even quieter. “but what are you thinking about?”

“the nhl sucks.”

willy smiles. “i agree.”

“you don’t get it,” kappy sighs. “it’s different.”

willy scoffs. “you think i don’t know what it’s like to watch others in the big league play in my spot when i know i deserve it more?” and kappy hadn’t meant to make it some sort of competition, he doesn’t even know why willy is getting worked up.

“you don’t get what it’s like to be trans,” kappy amends.

willy deflates. “i don’t.”

“yeah,” kappy says uselessly.

“are you, um, feeling dysphoric?” willy asks. it’s funny, still. willy struggling to ask trans-specific questions. not because he’s uncomfortable, really, but more because he thinks he’s gonna fuck up some

“no, i just, knowing they'll always pick the next dude over the trans dude sucks,” kappy explains. “i’m always the second choice.”

“you know that's not the reason,” willy argues. “sometimes—i don’t know. sometimes good things take forever to come.”

“i don’t have time to get philosophical,” kappy spits. “you really think that they don’t look at my name and think, we could do without this pr mess?”

“you’re being ridiculous,” willy says.

“and irrational, right?” kappy adds. “am i being too hormonal for you, now?”

“that’s not what i meant and you know it,” willy snaps. “stop putting words in my mouth.”

“i’m not being ridiculous,” kappy says.

willy shifts closer, placing his free hand between his cheek and the pillow. “maybe i shouldn’t have used that word.”

“just,” kappy says. “i wish you’d listen to me, even if you think it’s outrageous.”

“but what if i can assure you?” willy frowns. “what if i want to cheer you up?”

“but i’m not feeling dysphoric or anxious or depressed,” kappy says. “i’d tell you if i was. sometimes, it’s just how the world works.”

“lou said you’re an nhl player,” willy says. “and coach said you’re getting stronger and stronger every day.”

“and that’s the thing,” kappy sighs. “when am i gonna be strong _enough_?”

willy smirks. “well, i think you’re pretty strong.”

kappy smiles back. “it’s like, compliments don’t help when there’s no talk about moving me anywhere. it’s either they’re doing me a favour by keeping me here or they believe i really do need to work twice as hard.”

kasperi being trans isn’t really a known thing. only a handful of people know, leafs management, willy, of course, and by a complete and horrible accident, dicky.

(he promised not to tell anything to anyone before kappy could utter out a word and for a moment it felt nice, someone else knowing. his guard being down, relaxing in front of a teammate.)

“i never thought about it that way,” willy says. “i guess, in a way, maybe it’s the bare minimum. but-- i want you to be more optimistic.”

“it’s hard,” kappy says and he may be pouting but he doesn’t fucking care.

“i just--i know you’ll get your shot, we’ll be playing together,” willy says. “you deserve more than a lot of guys.”

“sometimes you’re the best person ever,” kappy says and willy raises a brow.

“only sometimes?”

“well, sometimes you have horrible jokes, so there’s that,” kappy says.

“maybe, it’s because you don’t have a sense of humour,” willy says.

“whatever,” kappy says, raising himself on his elbows. “i’m thinking of making dinner.”

“let’s just order in,” willy says. “don’t wanna leave the bed.”

willy reaches out to run a thumb over the left side scar on kappy’s chest. he loves doing it, loves seeing kappy shirtless, and at first kappy thought it was a fetish thing, he still doesn’t know what it is to this day really, but it feels intimate and he lets willy do it when he wants.

moments like these are nice, they don’t happen often, either one of them is too bone-tired to have deep discussions about shit that really matters to them. and sometimes, willy’s never going to get it and that’s okay, as long as he’s there to listen.

 


End file.
